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These are examples of the kinds of questions that come up every week at the Sex & Dating Book Club held at the San Francisco AIDS Foundation health and wellness center, Strut, in the Castro.

How can I meet guys if I want to quit drinking or stay away from the Castro bar scene?

“Sex, dating, intimacy, relationships and substance use—these things can all be connected in our lives,” said Christopher Powers, LMFT, the substance use counselor at Strut, who co-facilitates the group with clinical intern Erik Deiter, MFTI.

This is one reason that sex and dating can be difficult for people who want to change how or if they use drugs or alcohol.

And I asked myself, “Sophie, is your sexual life so very stimulating, actually? And when we are making love, it is not always enjoyable. If you visit Paris, you will notice that we are very thin, even if we are the country of bread and cheese. I’ve met a man who is not afraid of my long years of solitude and is perhaps heated and reassured by my honesty and what he calls my “exciting expectations.” Who could ask for more?

” And my answer was, “No.” I realized that even when I took pleasure, I was not ecstatic with my sexual life. At the beginning, I kept the fact that I had given up sex a secret, and nobody around me could guess how untouched I was. We are liars, poor liars trying to mystify one another. We are also very sexy, but maybe it’s only a show to save our reputation. During the 12 years I didn’t have sex, I learned so much.

In fact, I seemed to be going through the motions of lovemaking because, I thought, that’s what everybody did. I knew perfectly well that people accept all kinds of sexual behaviors, just so long as you are doing something with your body. About my body, the role of art in eroticism, the power of dreams, the softness of clothes, the refuge and the importance of elegance. But society doesn’t recognize this kind of felicity. I’ve learned that most people mainly want to prove that they are sexually functioning, and that’s all. And believe me, when the body really wants the skin of someone else, it knows perfectly how to behave.

Even when most people will admit that sex on drugs wasn’t always good.” These are some of the issues that the weekly drop-in group tackles.

Sometimes I took pleasure just by staring at men’s necks. Even the pleasure you can give to yourself (everyone asked me about masturbation) is a paradise. Your imagination can sleep with who you want, even Cary Grant! As I wrote about my experiences, I thought a lot about privacy.

I realized privacy is not about what you are doing so much as about what you are not doing.

Privacy is that which you can hide — which, in our modern society, is not much. Around me, children know about their parents’ sexuality; parents know about children’s sexuality.

Where is the treasure of silence, of things not shown? Our openness is a good thing, for many reasons (of course!

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