Abuser red flags dating
It has been said that abusive people are devoid of empathy. They will never be able to place themselves in someone else’s shoes, nor will they ever understand or share the feelings of another.
So if you notice that your partner doesn’t seem to care that you had a bad day at work, then this might be the reason why. They may even insist that someone else made them do it.
Derived from the classic 1944 movie, the term gaslighting refers to creating a situation where the person is made to feel like their reality is coming unglued. But you will see glimpses of their anger here and there.
Abusers often devise a scenario where you are made to feel like you are losing your grip on your reality. You will notice that they may become testy with a waiter in a restaurant.
These red flags become much more than red flags–they become deal breakers.
"If your partner is overly charming, blames you for all wrongdoings, and turns your reality upside down to where you question your own sanity, turn and run as fast as you can in the other direction," says Fran Walfish, Psy D, a Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist.
"It is a way of controlling the other person as a precursor to abuse." Expectant mind reading.
"This means that the abuser acts unhappy until the partner guesses what they want," she explains.
Maybe this charmer promised a worthwhile future with lofty and romantic words, only to make you feel like those statements were a form of gaslighting when the future arrived.
Walfish doesn’t mince words when she describes the type of person who would treat a partner this way, and she notes that once you pinpoint this form of subtle abuse, the first thing to do is to accept it for what it is. "The silent treatment functions to keep the receiver in suspense of what will happen, and unsure of what they did wrong and how bad it is," Walfish says.