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Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.
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I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I’d have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn’t remember them. Why do you think I came up with the eight simple rules?In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.” I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?